If a relationship isn’t serving you right, you’ll have to end it. Breaking up can be hard but you need to get it done for your peace of mind.
It’s understandable that getting dumped is never fun, but initiating the breakup can also be awful. You may be the one in control of the situation but that doesn’t leave you immune to guilt, sadness, pain or some deeply unpleasant combo of all of them. Here are some principles on how to handle a break-up gracefully.
1. Do it in person and not in public
If you can meet up, you should try and have the talk in person even though it’s definitely harder. Try avoiding doing it in public because it makes people feel limited in what they can express, whether it be final words they’d like to say to you or the items they’d like to break.
2. Explain why you’re breaking up
Honesty is extremely important here. If you give no information, the person has to start searching for that, like, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ And that makes it harder for them to to move on.
3. In your explanations, be kind
We know we said honesty is the best policy but you don’t need to be brutal about it. Balance the truth with kindness otherwise you may end up breaking the person’s spirit.
4. Stick to your decision
If they beg you to change your mind, be adamant about your decision. If they get angry, commit to staying calm and realize that anger is a secondary emotion, usually masking hurt, pain, and rejection. If they promise to change, remember that it’s a normal response to a breakup and if they wanted to change, they would have done it when you brought it up earlier before it reached this point.
5. Don’t stick around after the breakup
You have to leave so you can both process what just happened. You’ll both be undoubtedly having a lot of feelings about the breakup and all of them need to be processed. If you went out to a restaurant to break up, you would probably have to wait for the bill or even an uber afterwards and the wait would be extremely awkward.
6. DO NOT HAVE BREAKUP SEX
If you do, you are establishing an emotional bond whether you like it or not. Sex with the now-ex will keep you both attached and ruin the breakup. It will put both of you in limbo; not knowing whether you’re still in a relationship or not.
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