For years I was trying to become smaller. I tried to fix my inner turmoil through weight-loss, dieting and exercising until I would collapse. I was putting my body through hell, and instead of fixing the problem I only made it worse because society had told me that I would be loved if I would shrink a few sizes, had a thigh gap and an incredibly flat stomach. So, for years I tried to lose weight, started restricting by limiting my food intake and started to compensate whatever little I ate with working out for hours on end.
It was unhealthy, but at that time I did not see it—or rather, I refused to see that something was entirely wrong. I was consumed with what society had taught me, that pretty girls have a flat stomach and a thigh gap, that they have a healthy lifestyle which only consisted of lettuce with dressing on the side (which was useless anyway because it was not to be consumed) and excessively working-out in the gym for seven days straight.
But today and with this newfound glory (as it’s only a few weeks old), I stand tall and confident, embracing everything about me and everything that is me; flaws and all because society is wrong. There is no point in degrading yourself, believing you are less than anyone else because society has taught you to do so—to be hateful towards yourself for not weighing what society deems as perfect. You are not strong when you skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner and worked-out for hours in the gym on an empty stomach. You are strong for continuing to take care of yourself by eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner while the world tells you to starve yourself in the name of perfection and beauty.
I learned how to listen to my body, when I felt hungry and when I was satisfied. I learned how to ease my mind, or ignore it altogether when it started screaming at me for no reason (because I had cornflakes and unsweetened almond milk for breakfast instead of going to work with an empty stomach).
Like I mentioned before, you are strong for eating lunch (or whatever else) when society or that voice in your head tells you not to. There is no shame in admitting you have a problem. You are perfect. Your size, the colour of your hair or whatever else do not matter—you were born perfect. You are both beautifully and wonderfully made and you do not have to prove your worth just because society tells you that if you weigh a certain weight you matter or are perfect. Trust me, you already do matter and you already are perfect. Don’t waste your life living in shame and trying to meet the standards of society—it is not worth the anxiety and stress.