It is interesting the calibre of people we run into at church on Sunday mornings, more intriguing is the myriad of reasons why people go to church. Ever met someone in church and you dropped your Bible out of shock? That person should be one of these ten.
Remember the drunk girl who was twerking in the club last night? No? The one who wore the crop-top over the micro-mini-skirt and was grinding every guy in the club, she left at 5am. Yup the same one! She’s sitting two rows in front of you with a train skirt and a scarf over her head.
There are those people who by the end of one sentence, you will know they are shpiritual fathers. They will go like “shishta greysh, we didn’t shee you in the houshe of the mosht high ghad lasht week” they will also start giving you spiritual reasons why you should burn your jeans trousers. Them dey bore!
Some people only go to church because they have a new dress, car or shoes to show off. They usually arrive late enough to draw attention to themselves. And when they are done, it’ll take another new item to bring them back to church. if its a new shoe or dress they’ll dance for everyone to notice, even if its just the choir singing for communion
There are these rich men who hardly come to church until there’s an event for them to chair. You’ll see them leading the harvest committee, building committee or some other project. they will sit in front of the congregation in agbada and be spying small girls, marking them for future use.
Aha! That guy who is part of the youth choir, adult choir, prayer warriors, ushers, church band, men ministry, children ministry, women ministry… phew! That guy!
Those girls and boys who come to find a wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, side chick, you name it. They’ll be forming spiritual brother or sister and take your number for phone prayers, before you realize, it is phone sex.
31st December Movement
These are the fearos who only go for 31st night because they are scared of the unknown. After that tearful reunion with God, it will take another 364 days for them to return.
Corporative Society/Insurance Policy
Those people who go to church because they want their funeral ceremony to be crowded so that people will know they were not alone in life. Some also want handsome donations when they get married, give birth or lose a relative.
Those whose parents are church leaders so they have to be in church whether they like it or not, they are usually bored out of their minds and play silly games like checking out female ushers’ behinds.
These are the funny people who will be forming atheist on twitter but when it’s Sunday morning they will iron everyone’s clothes and be the first to get to church and play the maracas.