People inspire you, or they drain you pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen
Truly you are the end product of five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back.
The reality though is that you can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first know who they are. Here’s the twist, you have to separate those who are annoying or simply difficult from those who are truly toxic.
Here are some toxic ones you gotta know
The way in which one gossips about another to you is indeed the same way they do about you to others. Be mindful of those who deliberately tear people down. Just one day they’ll do the same to you as well.
Stay well clear of people who want to know every single thing about your life and others’ lives, just to gossip about it.
The Green-eyed Ogre
If someone needs to downplay your strengths and achievements just to make them feel better, you really do not need them in your life. Stay away from people who become envious at your success, good fortune, or positive attributes.
True friends are genuinely happy for your good fortune, they don’t try to diminish it with negative reactions or make you feel guilty for sharing your happiness.
The Walkabout Filter
They always look polished on the outside, but their real personality doesn’t match their exterior. Honesty is their biggest fear. They don’t want you to know them. They want you to know the filtered, curated, guarded version you see every day. Don’t waste your time on people who are rarely vulnerable. These folks who put up walls or who play personas are often simply wounded and self-protective.
However, it doesn’t work for vulnerability to be one-sided. Note that there are some who are naturally reserved and prefer to keep to themselves and do not wish to show it all or let it all out. You’ve gotta know which is all a ‘facade’ and that which isn’t.
They are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. They actively push away any personal responsibility by making every molehill they encounter into an uncrossable mountain.
They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from, instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time.
Self-engaged people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around self-absorbed people because you start to feel completely alone.
This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a pawn used to build their self-esteem
These people literally suck time and energy out of your life under the facade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda.
Exploiters always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it all takes, take and take, with little or no
giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.
Remember the characteristics of dementors in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series? They are evil creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them merely as shells of humans. This is exactly the trait of the ‘human dementor.’
They suck the life out of people by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. Friends who are dementors are far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves. Don’t give room for their incessant negativity.
Arrogant people are a waste of your time because they see everything you do as a personal challenge. Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks major insecurities.
Arrogant people tend to be lower performers, more disagreeable, and have more cognitive problems than the average person.
Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it.
Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re best off cutting them out and being yourself.
The Conversation Hogs
They are people who talk a lot about themselves but who don’t show an equal, genuine interest in hearing from you about yourself.
They could include a friend who’s always looking for advice but never asks you about your own life or the showoff who gets a thrill out of endlessly relating his latest adventures. Whichever sub-type you come across, avoid them and don’t feel guilty about it. They actually would be satisfied to perform in front of anybody.
You most definitely should avoid these people who feel entitled to dispense wisdom and advice on any subject, no matter whether they have the faintest idea what they’re talking about.
Such know-it-all guys never give any advice worth listening to. Amen to that!
These people are characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others. They tend to show and believe they are more intelligent or better than other people. No matter how much privileged you are compared to other people you need not belittle anyone else’s feelings, submissions, actions or persona.
Guys, once you’ve identified a toxic person, you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage him or her. Stick to your guns and keep your boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them, which they will. Better still, stay away, do not entertain them!
Stay woke, stay woke…. dasoor!!!