Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, but yet the problem is often overlooked or denied, especially if the abuse is more psychological rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging signs of abuse is the first step to ending it.
The following is a list of behaviours that may indicate a potential abuser. Please also take note that this list is not implying that every person with some of these attributes is a abuser or potential abuser.
At the start of the relationship, an abuser will claim jealousy as an act of love, it’s not cute, stop encouraging it. The abuser will question their partner about whom they talk to, accuse their partner of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call their partner frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let them work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch their partner.
In the beginning, an abuser will make it seem like a controlling behaviour is a concern for their partner (for example, the victim’s safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and next thing you know the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the partner from coming and going freely. Like are you my Dad? free me… mtchww.
A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship. Watch OUT for those that profess their love for you within two seconds of meeting them.
An abuser expects their partner to meet all of their needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.
An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by damaging their ties to outside support and resources. The abuser will accuse the victim’s friends and family of being “trouble makers”. They may even block the victim’s access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home.
Blames others for problems
An abuser will blame others for all their problems or for the abuser’s own shortcomings. Someone is always out to get the abuser or is in the way to the abuser’s achievements. The victim or potential victim will be blamed for almost any and everything.
This behaviour involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading the victim, or putting down the victim’s accomplishments.
Blames others for feelings
An abuser will use feelings to manipulate the victim. Common phrases to look for: “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want”,”you control how I feel”. And that is very dangerous, you will eventually start feeling bad and start catering to his/her needs.
An abusive person is easily insulted and offended, they perceive the slightest setbacks as personal attacks.
Explosive behaviour and moodiness, which can shift quickly to congeniality, are typical behaviours of people who beat their partners.
Threats of violence
This consists of any threat of physical force meant to control the partner. Most people do not threaten their partners, but an abuser will excuse this behaviour by claiming “everyone talks like that.”
Any force during an argument
This may involve an abuser holding down his the victim, physically restraining the victim from leaving, or pushing or shoving. Holding someone back in order to make demands, such as “You will listen to me!” is also a show of force.
Breaking or striking objects
This behaviour is used as punishment (breaking sentimental possessions) or to terrorise the victim into submission.
There may be other signs that we did not list. The point is, be aware and stay woke when it comes to these things, do not excuse it as a “cute behaviour”. It is not, is psychotic, love should not feel like you are trapped or smothered. Pay attention to these signs and run for your life.