14 Things We Do Not Want For Val’s Day: Yours Sincerely, Men

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We understand and appreciate that Val’s day is set up to give us unnecessary pressure to impress and we do well to rise to the occasion. This year, all we ask is that the ladies also negotiate in good faith by giving us REASONABLE gifts… if you know what I mean. Did i hear an Amen? So Ladies Kindly take note of the things we do not want for Val’s day.

Val’s Day

We do not want valentine’s day and all the wahala associated with it. So please, the women in our lives, if you really want to make us happy this Val’s day, kindly make the day go away. Delete it from the calendar and tell the true story of St. Valentine the sellout who cursed all men born after him with his dying breath.

Singlet

Even Ga men will not appreciate only singlets on Val’s day. That sh*t costs less than 10gh and for all the things we’ve done for you, you are not ashamed to dump one singlet in our arms? How much does your lunch cost?

Socks

This is just unimaginable! SOCKS!!? You look in our faces to profess your undying love, only to show up with ONE pair of socks on the day dedicated to lovers all across the world. Upon second second thought, you could make our day with a dozen Happy Socks nicely packaged, with each autographed by KKD himself…. errm scrap that, just give us a dozen socks.

Handkerchief

Wow! You choose Val’s day of all 365 days to buy us a handkerchief to wipe the sweat that we have accumulated all year round in our bid to make you happy? B**ch it’s over!

Buy Yourself a Gift

Men have explored our entire solar system and have a fair understanding how it works but have not the faintest clue how the mind of the woman whose head is on their chest works. We want to know how buying yourself new clothes and lingerie is a gift to WE MEN! For the love of god, stop being narcissistic for one day and do something nice for your man.

Drama

We know you will start acting dramatic to explain to us how dramatic you are not. We want you for one day, just this Val’s day, to give us zero drama. Can you do that for us? Thank You

Fake Brands

We understand that you do not know much about men’s fashion, indeed you do not make half the effort we make to keep up with you and the Kardashians, but we never bore. But surely common sense should tell you that the Balenciagas you paid 30gh for are faker than a $99 bill.

Boxers

Even if you buy us a truckload of boxer shorts, we do not want. If you have a message about our personal hygiene that you want to send across, try using words for a change. Do not buy us boxer shorts on Val’s day, it is offensive

Red

Do not wear red, we don’t want red shoes, shorts, shirts, bags, socks, handkerchief, caps, hats, wine…. wait we want red wine. So apart from red wine,  we do not want anything red on Val’s day, it’s too corny.

Sex

Val’s day is not the day where we master all 69 styles of the Karma Sutra. Stop being a classic hoe and spend a little money or thought on your man.

Card

We do not cherish greeting cards unless ofcourse the lights are off and we need a makeshift fan, Apart from that we do need greeting cards from you this Val’s day.

Mushiness

This is to all the women in our past. You are there by design so do not come shaking of dust into our mentions and private chats about how you’ve missed the good times and how we dawged you. That trick is tired, please stay dead.

Text Messages

This is highly insensitive! After we blow your mind with our carefully planned Val’s day package, you get home and send us a text message. JUST A TEXT MESSAGE about how you love us how we made your day. You too make our day some!

Nothing

We are tired of getting nothing every year. Give us a gift that is equal to how much we mean to you.

 

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